Tuesday, 16 February 2010


They were finally going to find out who the person that been causing them all this trouble was. Sure they were now being held captive by this person at gun point, with several burly looking men holding those guns on them, and most importantly those same men were tying their hands together behind their backs. Nevertheless, at least they had a better chance now that they would soon find out who their foe was. Better then what, it was quite hard to tell, but in some way they thought that knowing who they were up against and where they were, was somewhat been better than lost in some remote village with barely half a clue as to what was happening.
“You weren’t expecting me, were you?” asked Daniel, rhetorically as he removed the mask from his face. “Well, I sure got the better of you Brits, with your silly tiny cars, stiff upper lips and all. Make me feel weird will you, huh!”
“You’ll never get away with this,” chipped in Hans in cliché like fashion. Not that he had any idea what Daniel was trying to get away with, but it presented an opportunity to shut him up for a minute.
“Oh, and you guys are gonna stop me, I don’t think so!” retorted Daniel, adding in some jerky head movements, that he’d probably stolen from some D-list celebrity who’d wanted to become a singer, to give his dialogue that extra bit of attitude. “In thirty minutes a spell will be cast from my giant unicorn horn wand, and then everyone will look identical to me. No more days of seeing people in their pitiful excuses for fashion, days where people wear green and purple together will be ended. A world of perfect taste awaits, mwahahahahahahaha!!” he cackled in a deep and booming voice that both surprised everyone else in the room for the fact that Daniel was able to do it, but also for the very sudden a physical shaking of the house above them.
‘How did we get into this mess?’ thought Chloe in a manner that proved to be a perfect opportunity for a flashback. They’d been outside the door just after Hans had found the horn, attempting to sneak into the house quietly, but Hans refused to stop complaining about his back. She had to silence him and fast, so she leant gracefully over to his face, ran her hands gently through his hair and promptly gagged him with her headband. It was too late however, as when they stepped into the building; several big burly guards surrounded them, pointing huge assault rifles straight at them. Quite why they needed guns was lost to Chloe; all of them were at least three times bigger than she was. It was probably compensation for deficits elsewhere, she reckoned.
The guards had forced them down a set of steps to their left, they’d followed their lead but still been shoved every two seconds, particularly Hans who unusually was probably attempting to say something useful, but was only vocalising sounds such as ‘bluurrgh’ and ‘mwaable’. Chloe stumbled across one idea why the guards behaved like this, they must obviously be in some kind of obnoxiousness contest, in a similar way to how she’d observed guys on nights out having pulling contests, though these were being irritating on purpose.
The basement when they reached it was cramped to say the least. Not only did it have the usual assorted junk that people saved ‘just in case’ (like a punctured inflatable Santa Claus or giant chess set with half the pieces missing) but there was also an object that looked like a stack of unicorn horns, presumably arranged in some particular secret arrangement, but it looked more as if someone had just dropped them there then just left them to rot. On the walls hung heavy looking chains, who knew what for; except one wall, which had been painted to make the room look twice as big as it was, but really just looked like a badly painted wall, particularly because of the unpainted fuse box in the middle of it.
Chloe snapped out of her reminiscing as she heard Daniel speak again. “How does it feel to know you’ll soon look as stunning and gorgeous as me Hans?” he asked, before cackling again. “Answer me!”
“You’re mad; you have absolutely lost the plot. Not only do you have some truly weird obsession with freakish fashions, but you want everyone to look like you, in some kind of demented power craziness. It’s not just a stupid, horrible plan, it’s downright unoriginal. All you’ve done is watched some sleazy b-movie and copied off that, I’ve trekked all this way, and to be honest I expected more,” ranted Jane, feeling quite the critic.
“Ooh, you bitch!” replied Daniel, clearly hurt. “Restrain them!!!!” he called to the guards, using an excessive number of apostrophes.
Hans gulped, he now realised what the chains were for.