Tuesday, 16 February 2010


“Hans,” whispered Mervin, “how far away are yeh from that wall?”
“You what?” Hans quietly replied, sincerely puzzled.
“How far is it?” Mervin whispered back, “Cos if it isn’t too far, mebby I can levitate summat.”
“32 what? Metres, yards, football pitches?” (Although seemingly irrelevant football pitches are becoming an increasingly popular measurement of objects on such things as the news, but frankly ‘it’s bloody massive’ would quite happily suffice)
“I don’t know, it just says that number next to me, it’s got to mean something, hasn’t it?”
Mervin gave up, there was no way he could spring them from this. He gazed over at his daughter in desperation but she was preoccupied listening into a conversation between Ted and Jane.
“Jane, look, I just want you to know how deeply I feel…” began Ted, but Jane cut him off before he could finish.
“I’m not interested, you may be a nice guy, but my heart belongs to someone else.”
“Excuse me; I don’t get why you needed to say that?”
“It’s obvious you fancy me, I mean just look at how you’ve behaved over the last few days!”
“Ohh, you think… and you thought I meant… ahh, I see!”
This utterly bewildered Jane, what was she supposed to have thought, and also, what did he think that she think that he implied. Not only did this confuse her, but her thoughts were sounding like the bickering of high school gossipers.
“I just wanted to place the farce that has been our squabbling behind us and be friends.”
“And you don’t have some sort of underlying crush on me then.”
“No dear, I’m gay.”
“Ahh… but weren’t you married?”
“No whatever gave you that impression. But even if I had, people change, or in some cases regress like that buffoon over there.”
The last comment sparked Daniel’s attention. “Buffoon, you call me!” he cried out angrily. “I am a genius, soon everyone will be like me, the world will be just how I want it; it takes more than a buffoon to do that!” he added before cackling in a even more deeper and menacing voice than before. It shook the walls, harder than last time, but he carried on so engrossed in it as he was. The floor above began to creak, suddenly, and a grinding sound could be heard.
Daniel stopped, looked up and muttered some word, but no-one could make out what it was as the ceiling above him collapsed in, deafening everyone. They were clear of the cave-in but the dust was choking them. The last thing any of them saw before passing out was a grand piano sitting atop the rubble.